Sharpie launches new weather control device


In the wake of Hurricane Dorian’s presidented directional change, Sharpie is now offering a line of new markers that can control the weather. The new Sharpies will over-ride natural forces like air currents, tidal influences, barometric pressures and other things the weatherman says by simply drawing over the area you would like the storm to hit or avoid, says Sharpie CEO and spokesman, Ron Burgundy.

Maps must be officially issued by The National Hurricane Center (NHC), the division of the United States’ NOAA/National Weather Service that is responsible for tracking and predicting tropical weather systems but is limply impotent to direct or move such systems, unlike the bold new Sharpie.

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