Rudolph William Louis Giuliani, better known as cousin fornicator and former mayor of New York City Rudy Giuliani, has hired Breaking Bad actor Bob Odenkirk as his personal attorney after receiving a Congressional subpoena in the President’s impeachment inquiry.
Odenkirk, an actor who plays attorney Saul Goodman on the hit series released a statement to the press stating “I am an actor that plays a lawyer on a TV program. It is difficult to believe I have to even say this, and as much I would like to keep his septuagenarian oatmeal boomer brain from speaking further, I have to decline the offer.” A spokesperson for Giuliani responded by leaving a brown paper bag with $10,000 in it behind a dumpster at Los Pollos Hermanos in Albuquerque.
Another source informed us that Mr. Giuliani had already reached out to famed Simpsons cartoon ambulance chasing lawyer Lionel Hutz, voiced by Phil Hartman, who passed away 21 years ago. A Hartman representative told us “While I am certain Mr. Hartman would have relished reviving the role of Lionel Hutz to assist Rudy in tightening his loose, flappy rotting gums, he is unfortunately no longer with us, and has not been for 2+ decades.”
“Joanie Loves Chachi” star Scott Baio, who also played TV lawyer Bob Loblaw on the critically acclaimed hit “Arrested Development”, reached out to us to offer his support for Mr. Giuliani, “Why should Rudy go to jail for a crime someone else noticed,” echoing one of the many infamous and brilliant lines Ron Howard spoon fed him throughout his acting career. “I would gladly stand up and represent the esteemed Mr. Giuliani, my phone is always on, and I do NOT have much going on in my life right now,” he added.