Elizabeth Warren – #Cougar2020

Elizabeth Warren’s Campaign Contributions from Suburban Women Quadruple After Jacob Wohl Announcement.

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Often made with the hashtag #cougar2020, campaign contributions to Elizabeth Warren from suburban women have quadrupled in the last week.  This boost has a direct correlation to the allegations that she has been in a months-long sexual relationship with a 24-year old, decorated former marine who is now a bodybuilder. The affair, per the allegations, began off of a website where escorts and sex workers frequently post.  

“I mean, who wouldn’t want a little side action,” said one mom outside of Philadelphia who looked and spoke exactly like that Tina Fey skit about suburban moms outside of Philadelphia. “I’ve admired Warren for her plans, and her savvy social media.  The fact that she can – one, carry on an affair on top of all that while running for president and b, be the top in the affair, I mean the woman’s got energy. That’s what we need in the oval office right now, energy and spirit.”

Her companion complimented Warren on her glow, and said that she had always been curious about Warren’s skin care, and now she knows the secret ingredient.  Also, her husband did seem kind of wimpy in that social media post, but her dog is cute.

Earlier this week, right winged nut jobs Jacob Wohl and Jack Berkman released a statement alleging that Warren had the affair during the months she had been running for president. The attempt at discrediting Warren seems to be backfiring by working in her favor, as more and more women are donating.

“At a time when the male candidates close in age to Warren are having heart surgery or age-related memory issues, it’s great to see a happy female septuagenarian getting some and moving up in the polls, as well,” said one woman when asked about the Cougar Caper.

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