Hi, I’m Ellen!


Famous television talk show host, comedian, actor and liberal Hollywood lesbian Ellen DeGeneres has come under fire in recent days since appearing at the Green Bay Packers vs. Dallas Cowboys football game with former conservative Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush.

Ellen, who appears to be afflicted with the same anterograde amnesia that plagued her most famous cartoon voice-over, Dory from the Finding Nemo movies, had this to say when TFR(The Fake Report) investigative news team reached out to her asking how she could be friends with a man who endorsed a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage when running for re-election in 2004 at a time when important LBGTQIA civil rights case law is currently under review by the Supreme Court.

“Hi, I’m Ellen. I shall call him Georgie and he shall be mine and he shall be my Georgie. Come on, Georgie. Come on, liddle Georgie.” After being bit by 43, Ellen could be heard muttering, “Ow. Bad Georgie, bad Georgie.”

After pointing out that the former president could not be bothered to take time away from his vacation, which was entering it’s 27th day when Hurricane Katrina hit her hometown of New Orleans in late August of 2005, DeGeneres responded, “Hi, I’m Ellen. Just keep swimming, New Orleans!”

Attempting to stick to talking points handed to her by her obscenely wealthy circle of friends, Ellen added “We were invited guests of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones daughter, Charlotte. We were being served the good whiskey. The top shelf stuff. Did I mention we are all rich? And elite?? I am in the club now, and have been for decades. I no longer identify with the concerns of the poor, working or middle class. It is them vs. us, and I am now one of ‘them’. Please, stop relying on me to solve all of your problems. Roll up your sleeves, get dirty and do the hard work yourselves. War crimes? What war crimes?? Has anyone seen Portia??? Hi, I’m Ellen!”

A former spokesperson for George W. Bush reached out to us with this comment from the 43rd president, “Heckuva job, DeGeneres-ie. Now watch me hit this drive!”

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