In an unprecedented move the Third-Rate Politicians Association (TRPA) has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president in 2020. The former secretary of state, two-time presidential candidate and serial enabler for husband, Bill, has not announced her candidacy, nor has she given any indication she will run.
TRPA president Phil Longo III said, “In these highly divisive times we looked for someone who could help unify the country. Since we couldn’t to find anyone we figured, what the hell, let’s just pick Hillary.”
Clinton, who is currently traveling around the country promoting her latest book “It’s Not My Fault (It’s Never My Fault),” noted she was flattered by the endorsement.
“Let me just say that should I ever run for president again I would be the kind of candidate that any third-rate person could be proud of,” Clinton said.
Longo said his group did consider other candidates before settling on Clinton. “The Democrats have so many mediocre candidates to pick from that it was a tough choice for us,” Longo stated. “Many of our members like Elizabeth Warren a lot. That she botched the whole Native American controversy certainly shows that she is our kind of candidate. Who cares that her DNA test showed she was only 1/1024 Native American? However, the same test indicated she was 1/824 partially hydrogenated soybean oil and 1/932 Formica and that gave us pause.”
Other candidates offered promise for the TRPA. Longo noted that Biden has a long history of having a long history and Kamala Harris dated Willie Brown, but they really see Clinton as the one.
When asked if they have a backup plan should Clinton not run, Longo responded, “Um, no.”