A former advisor to Bill Clinton recently said Hillary Clinton believes God put her on earth to be president. Dick Morris made the comment during a radio interview last week.
Rather than speculate on God’s intentions vis-à-vis Hillary Clinton, we decided to reach out to the source directly through email (firstname.lastname@example.org). The full interview follows:
Fake Report: Thanks for taking the time to respond to our request. You must get a ton of emails.
God: Yes, quite a few. Fortunately, I invented time, so I manage to squeeze them all in. A lot of them tell me a long lost relative in Burundi just left me millions of dollars. What am I going to do with money?
FR: Did you, as Dick Morris suggests, put Hillary Clinton on Earth to be president?
God: I am a benevolent God, not a cruel one.
FR: Oh, I see. So, did Morris just make that up or is Clinton a little bit full of herself.
God: Let me put it this way, a good definition of a narcissist is someone who likely engages in risky behavior, holds an unrealistic superior view of themselves, is over-confident, shows little empathy for others, and has little shame or guilt.
FR: So, what’s your point?
God: Now, a politician is defined as someone who likely engages in risky behavior, holds an unrealistic superior view of themselves, is over-confident, shows little empathy for others, and has little shame or guilt.
FR: Oh, now we get it. You just defined Hillary Clinton.
FR: Then, what was Hillary Clinton put on earth for?
God: Not that I want to admit it, but everybody makes mistakes.
FR: Even you?
God: I’ll give you three examples – Cleveland, the leisure suit and the XFL. Let’s try to keep all that hush-hush.
FR: Understood. But will she ever stop? She’s lost twice already. Last time everybody said she was a shoo-in and she still lost.
God: She was never going to win. Has there ever been a worse presidential candidate?
FR: Not in my lifetime. But did you help, er, hinder her campaign any? Like when she said she was going to put coal miners out of business. No candidate in their right mind would say that.
God: That was Hillary. All of it was Hillary.
FR: So, will she jump in to the 2020 race?
God: I’m not saying she will and I’m not saying she won’t. Just keep in mind that the current front-runner doesn’t even know where he is half the time, even when he’s at home. You figure it out from there.
FR: I get it. Keeping things close to the vest. Well, God, thanks for your time. We’ll keep in touch.
God: Happy to oblige.