Now that the House Democrats have published the impeachment inquiry resolution, it looks like impeachment proceedings will be going full speed ahead. What does it all mean? We aren’t really sure, but we will attempt to provide some answers here:
Q: What are the complaints against Donald Trump?
A: There are a few that we will outline for our readers. First, that Trump interfered with the 2020 election by engaging foreign powers, Ukraine specifically, to investigate an American citizen for violating foreign laws.
Q: Wait, Ukraine is a foreign power? When did that happen?
A: We don’t know. That seems a bit dubious to us too. Next, Trump is accused of repeated and excessive use of hyperbole. In fact, the Democrats claim that Trump’s use of hyperbole is the most egregious in all of recorded human history. Further, the Democrats believe he is the worst (fill in the blank) in history.
Q: Who will be leading the impeachment inquiry?
A: Adam Schiff (D-Universal Studios) will head the inquiry.
Q: Will Schiff make stuff up again, like when he made up Trump’s conversation with Ukrainian officials?
A: We aren’t sure, although Schiff’s previous attempt at writing fiction could land him a best screenplay nomination at next year’s Emmy Awards.
Q: Are there other complaints against Trump in the impeachment inquiry?
A: Well, yes, that he won the 2016 election. He wasn’t supposed to win and the Democrats don’t think any election they lose is a fair and honest one. (For reference, see: Clinton, Hillary or: Abrams, Stacey.)
Q: What about Russian collusion? Will that be part of the impeachment inquiry?
A: Given that Robert Mueller’s two-year Trump-Russia collusion investigation went as well as the Miami Dolphins 2019 season (winless so far), probably not.
Q: If Trump is impeached in the House of Representatives, then what happens?
A: He would then be tried in the Senate, which is currently controlled by the Republicans.
Q: What is the likelihood he would be convicted in the Senate?
A: About as likely as the Dolphins winning the Super Bowl this season.
Q: Just a hypothetical, but should Trump be removed from office, what is the line of succession?
A: First in line would be the Vice President, currently Mike Pence, then the Speaker of the House, followed by the president pro tempore of the Senate and then Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials.
Q: When will the impeachment inquiry conclude?
Q: The 2020 election is only a year away, why don’t they just wait and see if the Democrats can beat Trump at the ballot box?
A: Ha! You’re funny.