President Donald Trump last week awarded the El Cajon Medal of Semi-Courage to Skippy the dog. The ceremony took place on the lawn of the White House where Skippy took the opportunity to urinate on the leg of CNN reporter Jim Acosta.
Skippy is actually Rupert Pembrose who works as a pre-process flow regulator for Grimeaway Farms, the world’s largest producer of miniature carrots, in Bakersfield, California, and identifies as a Jack Russell terrier. It turns out Skippy was one of the first in the nation to actually eat one of the new plant-based burgers from a national fast food restaurant chain.
During the ceremony Trump said, “Skip…er, Mr. Pembr…um, Skippy took the bold and brave step to actually try one of the new fake burgers from Burger King. It took a lot of courage. In fact, it was huge. We honor him today for his bravery. I certainly wouldn’t try one. I don’t like fake news and I don’t like fake burgers.”
With tears welling up in his eyes, Skippy said of the award, “This is a great day for me and for trans-species people everywhere. I can’t wait to show it to the folks back at the farm and also take it to the dog park. There’s a Maltese that shows up there every so often that is a bit of a prima donna. This should knock him down a notch or two.”
As for the burger, he added, “Well, it was a bit chewy. It tasted a lot like the box it came in. I wouldn’t eat one again.”
For his part, Acosta was visibly shaken and reported on the Anderson Cooper Show, “The little bastard pissed on my leg. That may be an impeachable offense. Doesn’t he know who I am?”