Taco Bell Announces “You Want a Chicken Sandwich? Fine, Here’s Your Goddamned Chicken Sandwich”


IRVINE, CA: Taco Bell announced a brand new product designed to compete with the wave of popular chicken sandwiches from competitors like Popeye’s and Chick-fil-A. Apparently titled “I don’t know…..Chicken Whatever”, representatives from the struggling Mexican Food-themed chain presented the hastily-assembled sandwich on a plate dropped on the podium.

“All of a sudden you’re all so goddamn ‘chicken sandwich this’ and ‘chicken sandwich that’. What’s wrong with a fuckin’ burrito now?”, exclaimed Taco Bell CEO Brian Niccol, seemingly to the room at large. 

“What? Bunch of beef in a tortilla is beneath you now, college boy?” inquired the CEO in an apparently rhetorical tone. “Chicken was for women, once upon a time. Women!”

“Goddamn chicken sandwich. Screw you.” he muttered, turning from the room to leave.

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