A recent study at the University of Malta’s School of Theology and Food Preparation indicates there may have been a fourth wise man who attempted to visit the newborn Jesus, along with Gaspar, Melchior and Balthasar. However, it is believed he was eventually prevented from seeing the baby Jesus as he only brought Milk Duds as his gift.
Vic MacDougal, lead researcher for the study, found the information that was uncovered to be quite remarkable. “We set out to see if there was any additional information about the wise men that we did not already know. It turns out another guy, Chuck, accompanied the three better known wise men.”
What is known about Chuck is that he apparently stopped at a convenience market before starting his journey to see the infant Jesus. However, the market was out of donuts and had no pizzas ready. Chuck was in a hurry and panicked, picking up a box of Milk Duds instead.
The researchers believe the other three wise men were none too pleased with Chuck’s gift selection. If fact, they were quite embarrassed. A notepad attributed to Gaspar sheds some light on the fourth wise man. Translated into English, it says:
I brought Frankincense and Balthasar brought Myrrh, whatever that is. Melchior, always a bit of a show-off, brought gold. Who doesn’t want to bring gold? Always wondered how he paid for that country club membership.
Then there’s Chuck. Milk Duds? Really? The guy never plans ahead. Always last minute. The others don’t even want him to come now. I’d like him to stay home too, but we need his horse. Plus, he’s the only one with a map.
A later entry from Gaspar’s notepad adds:
We saw the baby Jesus. Well, three of us, anyway. Made Chuck wait outside. Even Joseph was a bit perplexed as he said that Jesus is just an infant and how does anyone expect him to eat Milk Duds. He doesn’t have any teeth yet.
The final notepad entry included this:
Chuck is moping. Can you believe this guy? He’s really getting on my nerves. Maybe he’ll learn a lesson this time.
With this new information in hand, it has been reported that several song writers have begun revamping existing Christmas carols and even writing new ones. Next Christmas could be a big year for Chuck, the fourth wise man.