House establishes rules, sort of, for impeachment vote

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House lawmakers set forth the rules for the impeachment vote of Donald Trump on Tuesday.  As the mainstream media continues to remind everyone all the time, this is a historic occasion.  It is also a somber occasion and an action the House of Representatives takes with heavy hearts.

Therefore, it is important to understand the rules set forth by the Democrats for the impeachment vote.  The items listed below will be the rules that will govern the vote in the House.

  1. Republican members can speak for no more than 30 seconds and all sentences must rhyme.

2. Right turns on red lights are prohibited.

3. Every Democrat who speaks must include the phrases “somber occasion” and “with heavy hearts”.

4. Each Lightning Round will be 60 seconds in length.

5. The Republicans shall have one video review challenge.  Democrats can have as many as they like.

6. The same voting machines used in predominantly Democratic precincts in Cook County, Illinois will be used to tabulate the impeachment vote count, thereby guaranteeing a vote of 535-0 in favor of impeachment.

7. If there are less than two outs and more than one runner is forced, a pop up to the infield will result in the batter being called automatically out.

8. There will be TV commercial breaks at regular intervals and whenever a Republican member speaks.

9. Representative Jerry Nadler will be granted naps at regular intervals and whenever a Republican member speaks.

10. John Cougar Mellencamp and Mariah Carey shall provide the entertainment during regularly scheduled intermissions.

11. Any positive statement made in favor of Trump will be dealt with swiftly and may include a firing squad.

12. When a dozen donuts are purchased, a thirteenth donut will be added for free.

As anyone can certainly tell and the mainstream media will confirm, these rules are certainly fair for the president and the Republicans.  Just in case anyone should think otherwise, they will be dealt with swiftly and it may include a firing squad.

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