Peloton Introduces New “I’m Not Saying You’re Fat” Bike


NEW YORK, NY: In the wake of recent controversy over their ads, the Peloton company recently announced the new “I’m Not Saying You’re Fat” stationary bicycle targeted at couples. 

“None of us at Peloton is saying that you HAVE to get one of our bikes. Entirely up to you.” said William Lynch, president of the company, “It’s just that if you think that might be something you’d enjoy – just for fun, not that you need it – this is the bike for you.”

Throughout the press conference, Lynch kept holding his hands up in a sort of “hold on, don’t yell” gesture at reporters. 

“We’re just thinking about your health and well-being – NOT about how you look. You look perfect. You’re gorgeous. No, we’re not saying you used to not be gorgeous. We just think this would be a great gift for the winter months.

“No, it’s totally okay to eat more in the winter. We get that. Maybe the bike is something we could both use. NOT that you need it.”

Lynch then slowly backed out of the press conference, making sure to cover up the copies of ‘Fitness’ and ‘In Shape’ magazines that were sitting on a table.

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